Man Love the Musical
by BMuffin
Summary: Crackfic!What happens when everyone changes except Cameron?
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Man Love the Musical.

**Rating**: PG-13

**Pairings**: Chase/Foreman, House/Wilson

**Disclaimer**: I of course do not own the show House MD that privilege belongs to David Shore and the broadcast station of Fox, I do however own an interesting imagination, computer, House addiction, and a lot of free time!

**Warnings**: Male pregnancy in later chapters and slash themed…obviously. This is a crack-fic, the theme of which my friend and I have been throwing around for far too long not to type out. It involves lots of singing, dancing and all around wackiness with really no reason other then for mindless entertainment, so if you're into random, musical man-love fiction then you've come to the right place …so let the fun begin…Time to rock out!

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It was a strange case to say the least, so strange that House required all three of his ducklings to break and enter the patient's house to find him some answers. Sifting through the man's immaculately clean belongs seemed to all of them a waste of time, this man was a neat freak to the extreme and didn't have so much as a piece of lent to suggest otherwise. While Chase and Foreman poked and prodded there way through the man's bookcases, Cameron went into the kitchen checking for any toxins or molds under the sink, taking a sample from the faucet she licked her lips in thirst. Opening the refrigerator she takes out a bottle of Evian checking the cap to make sure the seal was unbroken she drinks part of it before shoving it in her satchel and returning to the boys to see if they had better luck then her in their investigations….

Reviewing some of the titles Foreman realizes he's read almost every novel here on the bookcase's third shelf, most of which are Dean Koontz with a few Stephen Kings mixed in, Chase stands about two paces beside him picking through a few Shakespeare classics, neither one of them see the point in examining a bookcase but House was insistent they check every crack and crevice and Foreman is nothing if not thorough. Shifting his weight to get a better angle he notices Chase sitting down with a worn out leather back in his hands, a wistful look crossing his face. Stretching to his feet Foreman can't help but feel annoyed by Chase's distracted nature. Strands of light blond hair fall in his face as he gently fingers the red outlined words centering the cover a small smile flickering across his face, Foreman irritated by the hold up walks over to Chase, "What are you doing taking a stroll down nostalgia lane?" huffs Foreman reaching out to snatch the archaic text, "No don't!" pleads Chase hands clamped over the old book possessively, Both Foreman and Chase struggle with the old book each tugging at a side, there's a sickening rip as the book is thrown into the air above both their heads, a strange orange powder flies out covering them both. Chase jumps hands outstretched to grab the book but it never falls back down, soon both their eyes are covered in a bright radio-active orange tint until neither of them can see….

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Cameron had no idea what was going on but knew it couldn't be good. Coming out from the kitchen she thought she heard a scuffle from the den making her way down the hall to put an end to whatever conflict Chase and Foreman were having she suddenly heard a loud pop, and suddenly a pulsating tidal wave ripped through the house throwing her backwards into the wall. Everything in the house seemed to be pushed back in that one instant, struggling to her feet Cameron steadied her self, fear and confusion racing through her veins. A million catastrophes dancing in her head "You guys!" she called in panic as she began running toward the den. Everything was a complete and total mess as if a bomb had in fact gone off, paintings off the walls, chairs knocked to the floor, lamps, tables, books and various objects over lapping across the once clean space. What the hell was going on? Wondered Cameron carefully stepping through the mess, had some powerful force really just ripped through the house or had Foreman and Chase suddenly decided to really search EVERY square inch or the place? Feeling frustrated without knowing anything more about this bizarre situation Cameron Nervously begins walking through the house going from room to room looking for her missing comrades.

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"You guys aren't suppose to be napping on the job" informs a slightly surprised looking Cameron as she stands over both Chase and Foreman in the patient's bedroom, even stranger they are laying in the mans bed under his covers Foreman blinks the orange out of his eyes, only to find there isn't anything there. Looking over he see's Chase snuggled up against him in peaceful slumber making soft sleep noises from inside the blanket. "Wait, what just happened?" asked a confused Foreman trying to piece this puzzle together. "Look's like you and Chase decided a nap was more important then sparing yourselves from House" she observed walking further into the room, stopping just short at the end of the bed Cameron lifted the bottom of the comforter and began pulling it off of the bed to expose Chase still sleeping, mumbling now incoherently while trying to grab at the receding sheets. "What I don't understand is why you two are in bed together…" pausing Cameron came around the bed fishing out her pen light she began checking Foreman's pupils. Hesitating Cameron glanced between the two guys, "Did either of you feel…or see anything strange?" she began looking unsure of herself, "uhh" trailed off Foreman looking bewildered his lack of answers scared Cameron so she picked back up on the maternal route "We should wake him up; make sure there is nothing medically wrong with you two." Foreman wanted to wake up Chase, heck he wanted to kick Chase in the shins and demand to know why he had thought it funny to put them in bed together and some how render him unconscious with no memory of any of it…Yet for some reason he couldn't get his body to act accordingly, he suddenly felt compelled to roll back over and get some more sleep, his thoughts slowing he found his eye lids suddenly closing on their own….

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Gripping the cell phone so tightly her hand drained of all colour, after spending a good five minutes trying to wake up the boys Cameron was out of ideas and utterly clueless. Having just called an ambulance, there really was nothing for her to do but monitor the guys and continue hitting redial in the desperate hopes that House would answer his phone while she waited.

Sitting in the ambulance helplessly watching the medic's check the vital stats of her coworkers Cameron tries explain what happened without sounding crazed, her description of a "power wave" gets her skeptical looks and doubtful glances, taking a sip from her water bottle she forces herself to look away from the unconscious sight of Chase and Foreman and to gaze out the back window fighting back the tears as the ambulance speeds toward PPTH.

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The hospital staff was frantic, racing around in circles. Cuddy was doing her best to hold everything together, in the face of this crisis. The hospitals electricity had gone out, even the back up generators had failed to kick in which was strange. Even weirder when the back-up generators did work the hospital staff was shocked to find EVERYTHING covered in orange. The floors, tables, chairs, walls, everything was covered in an inch thick cover of bright orange powder. Everyone looked at each other in confusion, then just as suddenly as it had happened the generators blacked out and everything was dark and silent. The power kicked back on and everything was as it had been, no signs of anything orange not a single speck. For a moment no one moved, or breathed it was eerie. Then chaos broke out as everyone began asking the same question, "Did you see all the orange stuff? Did the power just go out? Are we all having mass hysteria?" Patients and staff alike threw back questions, no one knew what to think of it nor what to do so everyone turned to Cuddy for answers, to make matters worse it was discovered

Houses Patient had disappeared as in literally vanished into thin air. The hall security tapes showed no one going in or leaving his room, his windows were locked shut and yet somehow the patient was gone. House seemed more interested in his vanished patient then to care about the strange phenomenon as he limped through the patients room looking for anything to go on about the mans escape. "He must of made a break for it when the power went out" concluded House looking up to see a frazzled Cuddy standing in the doorway. "Well that's just great, we'll worry about him as soon as we figure out how to deal with whatever is going on in this hospital" she snapped waving her hand in the air for emphases. "It was probably just our eyes adjusting to the changing light from main power to generator that gave the distortion of orange" explained House pulling open the patients backpack. Digging in the pack House fished out a book. Cuddy's cell phone rang, answering it her brow furrowed in disbelief. Hanging up she addressed House, "Well things are about to get a little more interesting, that was Cameron" House looked up while holding the book in tow, "Did she find anything at the mans place?" asked House, Pausing Cuddy continued "No…Foreman and Chase are both unconscious and on their way to the hospital" House looked at her a moment processing the news "Tell Cameron to offer Chase sex and to drop the N bomb on Foreman that should get them up in no time, I really hope neither of them are driving themselves unconscious to the hospital." Mused House expecting a rise from Cuddy "This is serious House whatever your patient had has now infected them, and perhaps this whole hospital!" snapped Cuddy "What you suddenly see orange and assume disease" chided House feeling the least bit worried. "You had better figure this out" replied Cuddy as she turned and stormed off.

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House stood in the ER waiting on the arrival of his ducklings with Wilson, things had settled down since the initial spazz outs from the orange sighting, so now all House had to do was wait. Wilson waited with him because lets face it; hanging around House is part of his job description not to mention he was also worried about House's ducklings. Suddenly the doors burst open and two gurneys flew in each hold one of House's kids. He limped quickly trying to keep up, asking a million questions to the medics frantically grasping for answers. Cameron stumbled in behind them crying and fell into Wilson's arms, he stood there awkwardly watching House and the boys disappear down the hallway. One it was clear both guys were stable it appeared they were in a light coma since as soon as Wilson hobbled in dragging a clinging Cameron they both began waking up, blinking their eyes open House leaned over both of them worry lines creasing his face. House was just about to say something when suddenly the lights flickered again, Cameron could hear what sounded like the whole hospital sharply intake breath. Then the lights blazed back on, no one moved and Cameron looked around confused to see how quiet everyone was. The suddenly without warning Foreman sat up, grinning madly he rose to his feet while stand on the gurney. Cameron watched in awe as it seemed every hospital employee began coming into the room. With a devious nod from Foreman to Cuddy the hospital PA system crackled to live. A song began blaring over the speaks a strangely familiar song…Looking around in shock Cameron realized everyone suddenly knew how to dance, even more surprisingly stripper poles magically appeared from no where! Opening his mouth Foreman began singing in a low raspy baritone,

"**If you want it to be good Chase  
Get yourself a... Foreman"**

he sang thrusting his hips toward a beaming Chase. Cameron gasped looking around everyone was bumping and grinding, Cuddy swirling around on one of the stripper poles surrounded by a few nurses doing the same.

"**If you want it to be wild  
Got to know just who to dial baby  
That's me  
If you really like it hot  
Get someone who hits the spot  
Honey, oh yes" **Foreman leaped from the gurney and began shimming around Chase seductively.

"**And if you want to get it done  
Then you got to get the one  
The one who's got it going' on!"**

Sang Foreman tantalizing close to a very excited looking Chase: Cameron couldn't believe her eyes it was then that she noticed House erotically dancing with Wilson! "OMG I must be having a psychotic delusion" reasoned Cameron.

"**If you want to make it last  
Got to know just who to ask  
Baby's got to be the best  
And that's me"**

With that Foreman ripped open his shirt and leaned forward onto Chase, who was sweating and flushed. "I'm not seeing this! This can't be real!" cried Cameron slowly backing away from the scene. Only she was blocked in the room by everyone dancing around her, was that a strobe light in the background? Suddenly all at once the whole hospital started singing the chorus,

"**If you really want it good Chase  
Get yourself a... Foreman (yeah)  
Get it like it could be would be  
Yeah like it should be  
If you want it to be good Chase  
Get yourself a... Foreman!"**

The overwhelming joined singing was nearly deafening. Cameron jumped nervously as everyone started spanking each other rubbing and grinding against everyone else. "When did we get stripper poles?" she asked Cuddy meekly. "Oh girl you gotta feel the music" purred Cuddy shaking her ass and twirling around the pole. Just when Cameron was about to object Foreman continued with his song.

"**If you like it innovative  
Better get someone creative  
Honey, yes  
And if you want it to be jamming'  
Got to get somebody slamming'  
Baby, oh yes"**

Teased Foreman just out of Chase's desperate reach, Foreman licked his finger before touching his ass making a sizzling noise that caused Chase to whimper.

"**Now listen  
These are things  
Your mama shouldn't know  
These are things  
I really want to show  
These are things  
I want to show you how  
So won't you let me show  
You right now  
Oohh baby (and if you say yes)"**

Everyone was pushing and shoving around hands in the air dancing like at a rave. Foreman seductively began unbuttoning Chase's shirt as everyone partied around them.

"**And if you (c'mon) want to get it done  
Then you got to get the one  
The one who's got it going' on (Oohh)  
If you want to make it last  
Got to know just who to ask  
Baby's got to be the best  
And that's me my baby**" winked Foreman throwing Chase's shirt on the floor. Right before the last chorus Foreman grabbed Chase and started dirty dancing with him and everyone around them cheered except Cameron who couldn't believe her eyes. The for the grand finale everyone started bumping and grinding throwing Cameron up onto one of the stripper poles, the all sang loudly,

"**If you want it to be good Chase  
Get yourself a Foreman, that's right  
If you really want it, if you really want it (oh ha)  
Get him like it could be, would be  
Yeah, like it should be  
If you really want it good Chase get yourself a Foreman!" **

Sparkles began falling from the ceiling, and frantically Cameron searched around for someone to be as confused by all this as she was, only everyone seemed to be into it and not notice the magically appearances or the strange behavior. Standing on a small round platform beside Cuddy, holding onto a shiny new stripper pole Cameron watched in awe as Foreman held Chase close and sang softly in his ear,

"**If you want it bad baby, you got it I'm your Foreman"**

Then kissing him passionately, everyone continued dancing and making out around her even after the music had faded away. Finally people began dancing out of the ER room and when only Cuddy, Cameron, Foreman, Chase House, and Wilson remained she stepped down from the stripper pole. "Was this some kind of joke?" she asked turning away from Cuddy who was getting pretty intimate with that stripper pole…Chase and Foreman were making out as well as House and Wilson! Cameron stared open mouthed at them all in shock. "What joke?" asked Chase pulling away from Foreman, "uhh all of this" she said awkwardly waving her hand around the room. "What are you now hating on our love!?" cried an offended Foreman, holding onto Chase tightly. "What, uh no" she said still dazed. "Dad Cameron's bein' a hater!" whined Foreman to House. Cameron blinked in surprise this was all too much for her to process. "Cameron stop being a bitch" grumbled House still making out with Wilson. "Dad?" asked Cameron eye brow raised. "Yeah don't act like you didn't know. Why else do you think I'm smarter then both you and my baby" he smirked leaning into Chase. "Uh…House is Foreman your um" Cameron started to ask slowly. "Well of course he is Cameron, why else would I favor him" agreed House still pressing into Wilson. "Yeah he's from when you went on that research trip to Africa when you were a student right?" confirmed Wilson breathlessly. "The only good thing to come out of Africa" joked House proudly. This was crazy Cameron couldn't take it, turning around promptly on her heels; she marched right down the halls to the elevators and pressed the up button for the psychiatric floor….

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I warned you this was a crack fic with lots of singing and dancing

So this is told from pretty much Cameron's POV since she was the only person not, 'infected' stayed tuned for more if ya like it! 


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as the elevator doors parted revealing the psyche ward floor Cameron took one look at the chaos before and quickly hit the button for the ground floor. "Where did all the midgets and unicycles come from?" she asked nervously praying to get out of the hospital as soon as possible: Stepping out onto the first floor Cameron was shocked to find the clinic empty and no one around. 'I'm getting the hell out of this mad house' she thought jogging toward the doors. Which she painfully smacked right into, they were locked! 'What the hell?' she mumbled pushing and pulling desperately at the handle. Looking out the window her jaw fell open at the sight staring back at her.

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Wilson went in search of Cuddy hoping she would share some of her pole dancing techniques with him so he could impress House with later. Everyone in the hallways were using different forms of transportation to get by, Chase was sitting knees forward backwards in a wheel chair spinning down the hall and Foreman along with some other staff were using a gurney as a canoe 'rowing' down the hallways using curtain rods as ores. Several people continued dancing on tables and counter tops while chanting the "YMCA" song dressed as the village people. And there was House with a few others playing poker on the wall by duct taping themselves in place. After several minutes of searching all around Wilson went to the last place he could imagine her being…In the men's restroom. "I always knew you were a man" he said walking toward Cuddy, "Why are you jealous?" she laughed soaking her feet in the bathroom sinks. "These heels are killing me" she explained gesturing to the discarded shoes. "Why the men's room?" he asked with a raised eye brow. "Because it would be a sign of weakness if the other women saw this. Like you said I'm a man remember" she smartly replied. "Uh well I was wondering if…" "If I could teach you pole dancing to impress House? Why didn't you just say so" she smirked reading Wilson's mind. "Uh right" he nodded, and then picked up her shoes. "Do I have to wear these for that?" he asked eyeing them suspiciously. "Nah, I'm not going to torture you" she said, "Can we tell everyone you made me?" he grinned deviously. "Just don't break my shoes twinkle toes" she scoffed as they left the bathroom.

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Cameron's eyes were as wide as saucers blue and red lights reflected from her shocked stare. The hospital was surrounded by every police car and ambulance in the city, completely incased from as far as her eyes could see. A man in a yellow hazmat suit ran up to her from behind the door and held up a sign for her to read since she couldn't hear him over the sirens. **This hospital has been quarantined from the general public and is under strict lock down orders of the New Jersey Governor. It is believed a dangerous bio-toxin has infected this location and you are advised not to panic or try escaping. Runners will be executed on sight; this is for the health care and well being of our nation. Please corporate to ensue things move as quickly as possible. W.H.O. (World Health Organization)**

Slamming her fist against the glass door Cameron slide down the door sobbing, "But I haven't been infected" she whispered to no one.

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Cameron sighed in defeat, and then began walking back up the stairs. Having decided to weather it out given no other choice she decided things would feel more comfortable for her among her usual hospital position in diagnostics. Once she arrived back on the third floor she stood in awe watching the various patients and staff 'row' or wheel by in several different forms of makeshift transportation. There seemed to be a bubble machine somewhere filling the air with liquid fun and glitter. She was almost run over in the hallway narrowly escaping a wheel chair race between Chase and some other staff members. "Are those the village people?" she wondered aloud staring at the table top dancers. Nervously shuffling past she caught sight of House playing poker on the wall! Going into the safety of the abandoned diagnostics conference room she quickly locked the door and began listing everyone's symptoms on the white board.

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Outside the conference room where Cameron was busy people began gathering around the main nurses counter chanting and stomping their feet, something big was about to happen, something soon. Foreman was getting excited there were sparks of electricity in the air from the growing tension. Suddenly a bright shiny new strippers pole appeared from the ceiling and slowly began moving down onto the counter, at the top of the pole was Wilson sliding down it onto the counter top, the loud speakers crackled to life time for the show…

Wilson wearing a neon pink suit with yellow poke a dots in a very Elton John look started dancing around on the counter eyes on House across the room.

"**Sometimes I feel I've got to  
Run away I've got to  
Get away  
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me" **House's eyes widened from Wilson's lyrical confession. House's surprise didn't stop Wilson who was on a roll.

"**The love we share   
Seems to go nowhere  
and I've lost my light  
for I toss and turn I can't sleep at night" **Wilson did a low dip on the counter the made all the nurses male and female alike swoon. And just as before (like as in chapter one) Everyone joined together to sing the chorus.  
Chorus  
**Once I ran to you (I ran)  
Now I'll run from you  
This tainted love you've given  
I give you all a boy could give you  
Take my tears and that's not nearly all   
Oh...tainted love  
Tainted love  
**For reasons only Chase and Foreman (possibly Cameron had she been there) understood it was hilariously funny for them to slow mo' run from where House was taped to the wall during the chorus erupting in childish giggles by the time Wilson got back to his solo part.  
**Now I know I've got to  
Run away I've got to  
Get away  
You don't really want IT any more from me **Wilson couldn't help it he had to wink at House when he sang the "IT" part suggestively.**  
To make things right  
You need someone to hold you tight  
And you think love is to pray  
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way. **Doing an impressive twirl that belied Wilson's true age he spun off the counter top landing right infront of House. Leaning forward as though to kiss House, Wilson quickily in rather painfully ripped the duct tape holding House to the wall causing him to fall onto the floor with a resounding thud. Unhindered Wilson crouched before House just in time for the chorus to begin. Though Cuddy would never admit it she wiped out a pocket lighter and began waving it above her head as everyone sang and swayed.**  
**  
**Chorus  
Once I ran to you (I ran)  
Now I'll run from you  
This tainted love you've given  
I give you all a boy could give you  
Take my tears and that's not nearly all  
Oh...tainted love  
Tainted love  
**House reached out cupping Wilson's face between his hands passionately, Wilson turned away singing…  
**Don't touch me please  
I cannot stand the way you tease  
I love you though you hurt me so   
But I'm gonna pack my things and go,  
Tainted love!  
**  
Everyone suddenly had lighters, apparently working in a hospital everyone decided smoking was too cool regardless of health risk. Waves of lighters sway in unison, as the lights go out giving the hospital an eerie cult gathering feel. Cameron watches all of this unfold behind the safety of the diagnostic's window. 'I hate to do it but I could always use the internet to instant message other doctors on these symptoms' thought Cameron suddenly having a good idea for once.

**Chorus  
Baby, baby.. baby don't leave me  
ooo please don't leave me, all by myself  
I've got this burnin', yearnin', yearnin' feelin inside me.  
Ooohh deep inside me,  
And it hurts so bad...  
You came into my heart so tenderly,  
With a burning love,  
That stings like a bee...  
Now that I've surrendered so helplessly,  
You now wanna leave, oo you wanna leave me...  
Oh baby, baby, where did our love go?  
Oh don't you leave me,  
don't you leave me no more...**

By that last chorus both House and Wilson were unable to sing…Foreman was laughing at Chase who had gotten his hand caught in a vending machine. "Haha, it's so great to see how all those years in college have shaped you!" giggled Foreman. "I'll shape you" grumbled Chase making a fist inside the vending machine that could be seen behind the glass. Cuddy was occupied encouraging her boobs. "Just because righty is slightly larger doesn't mean you should feel inferior lefty" she reasoned…Err, lets uh leave her alone for a while. Cameron was actually having luck with men for once by getting another doctor to help her via instant messaging. Just than when things started looking slightly better all the sprinklers sprayed on thanks to the swaying lighters, the water shorting out all of the hospitals' computers including the one Cameron had been working on. "DAMN IT!" resounded from House's office, breaking through the mindless chaos enclosed within the hospital walls.


End file.
